Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Honesty...

Let's talk about something serious.  Let's talk about how honest we are with ourselves about what we put into our mouths.  How much self efficacy do you have?  When your medical professionals tell you write down what you eat, how often do you do this thoroughly and completely?  I know I don't.  I know I don't want to see on paper what I put in my mouth because I don't want to own up to the fact that I shouldn't have eat half the crap I ate that day. It's not every day, but at least 2-3 days out of the week, I don't pay attention to what I know I should do.

I remember when I was 9 or 10, it was girl scout cookie season and I ate many, too many boxes of cookies my mom ended up paying for.  Those damn lemon sandwich cookies got the best of me.  I gave into them because food was my crutch. I didn't realize that I was drowning my sorrows in food, but I was.  How can I blame myself, food is so very very good.

I feel like now that I can control the portion amounts more easily, I have made much better choices in what i eat.  I eat reasonably and most of the time less than my body needs to survive.  I haven't been counting carbs and fat and sugar as I am suppose to though.  I do look at the labels, but I don't write it down.  If something is high in carbs and it's something I want to eat, I eat half of what the label's serving size is and it usually satisfies the craving.  But generally, our meals are no longer centered around carbs.  If I make pasta, I don't eat it.  I don't even want it anymore because I know it will just expand in my stomach (and make me sick!) and on my waistline.

My worse habit right now though has to do with water consumption.  I will go without drinking water for hours, and then mealtime rolls around and bam, I eat, I get thirsty, and boom.  The food comes up because I couldn't drink my water before or after.... I felt the urge to flush it down once there was food in there.  That's not what I'm suppose to do.

So, I really feel the need to tackle this problem with my inability to write down what i'm eating.  Here we go with today...

8AM - 1 Yoplait Light Red Velvet Cake Yogurt -
12PM - Onion Rings - Mom made them, I probably had about 1/4 an onion, tossed with 1/16 c. flour, salt, and pepper fried in peanut oil.  I don't even know how to calculate the calories on this, c'est la vie.  With 2 T of Ketchup..... Those calories didn't matter so much when it all came back up in the bathroom later.

3:30PM - The icing off a cupcake with Noah.... 2-3 Tablespoons of white sugary goodness.  Who knows what the calorie count is on that!

7:30PM - Chicken, BBQ sauce, and Cheddar Cheese pizza from Dominos, sans crust, extra chicken; two slices 6-7 slices of chicken total, appx. 2 T bbq sauce, 3-4 T cheese

I definitely must say I did better at the beginning and the end of the day when it comes to protein and food choices.  Yesterday I did well at night with the Pork Tenderloin, but didn't eat all day. Oh, and the coffee kept me up!  Note to self: when cooking with caffeine, schedule meal at noon!

Tomorrow is another day.  I will be home all day working on the job search and figuring out my life.  My mom assures me that everything will be alright.  I am trying not to freak out or stress about things, but right now, it's all I've got.  I know what I want though, and that's to be my own boss.  I really want to work on either obtaining my LPC license and/or ACE certification so I can work with weight loss clients on the extra issues I face.  Food addiction and recovery.  I think food addiction is the hardest thing to overcome because you need it to survive.  Being a foodie in the greatest food city in the world is tough.  But I'm going to thrive in my uphill battle.

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