Wednesday, May 20, 2009

May 2009

I have not been avoiding you, my dear readers.  I am back.  I lost 5 pounds in February, March, and April, respectively.  I was so frustrated with it, I just didn't want to talk about it here.  Oh, and I didn't have the internet at home, so my time was restricted to borrowed wifi, breaks at work, or coffee shops.  I had been going to PJ's on the weekend, but now that I am making iced coffee at home- there's no need to waste money there. Cutting out lots of things. 

Trying to keep food down most of the time.  It's difficult to do at times.  If I'm stressed at mealtime, my stomach tightens up and I just can't keep anything down.  It's unpleasant, but hey, penguins do it for their young... Slimming isn't all that bad.  For one, it's not food coming up with bile, it's just spit and food.  The pouch above the band doesn't have bile in it.  Spit.  I spit a lot.  If I'm eating something too dry like a granola bar - it's painful without water.  Something, eating something will just plain hurt and I have to get it up. 

However, I'm finally at the point where I evaluate texture of foods and make better decision about what I'm eating in different social settings.  If I'm eating with people I don't know, I seem to tighten up.  Nervousness, what have you, maybe I'm distracted or self-conscious about how weird it is to order a glass of ice and then proceed to order some type of chunky soup that I know will go down without incident. 

I refuse to allow anything like the broccoli incident to occur again.  It was gross and embarrassing. Yes, I'll talk about it here candidly because I think it's important to share with people.  I have yet to explain my bizarre food habits to one of the people that was at the table that night because I don't know the guy.  He's someone I work with, and well, telling anyone I don't have to about the surgery is difficult.  

As for keeping it from people who know me and ask me about it, no problems.  I prefer people don't ask me more than I'm willing to share though. I try to be polite when confronted, explain or be educational, but sometimes, I just feel like I've become this freak of nature.  I love food.  It hasn't always loved me back, so my revenge was to strap down my stomach and force myself to lose weight.  It's still a little disturbing and extreme on some levels to me.  How come some people have the will power to lose it on their own?  Why didn't I just turn out to be one of those athletic people who naturally burns lots of calories everyday and can eat anything?  I don't know.  It's just not fair, but modern medicine.... I thank you. 

Oh, and I lost 10 pounds this month.  I am overjoyed. 

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