I don't think about myself as a fat person. I have kind of always thought about myself as a thin person trapped in a fat person's body- who didn't eat like a thin person, but certainly thought about fashion in terms of what I will be able to wear when I'm thin. I need to make lots of money, that's for sure.... if only to support my pending new wardrobe. I've begun to keep a notebook of all the dresses I love so when I get to 130, I have a catalog of items I love. I need to get the J. Crew catalog coming here again. J. Crew has always been a favorite of mine.
What I don't understand is why this girl would want to have AOL write an article like this about her weight loss. Are they making these people up? Is the girl in the picture a model? Emerald Cantron, is Charlotte Royal a figment of your imagination? Maybe I've just never lacked self esteem in that area or I've just been lucky enough to meet guys who liked me as I am.
I don't want a relationship anymore. I want a career, a home, and money to travel. I do want a man in my life but one who will do things he knows will bring a smile to my face and thinks about this with creativity. I want a man who loves me with his whole heart. I'm not sure that's what I have right now, I think I'm holding on to a duck. A duck who I love very much, but it hurts me when I consider this behavior in this distance situation. A duck would probably taste better as a hunk of foie gras.
I wrote an email this morning. In most respects, it was a last email. I told him when he gets him self back to New Orleans, he should then think about contacting me. I am tired the distance and his incommunicato control behaviors. I have work to do in order to obtain my goals... all of them.