Thursday, March 12, 2009

Day 55: Rules of Dedication

It has occurred to me that the weight loss surgery process has many psychological stages.  The first few weeks after surgery for me were trial and error, not always entirely following the few rules all the time.  The disappointment of not seeing double digit numbers on the scale my second month further enforced the need to complete and total commitment to this program. 

Dr. Belott threw out the “no carb” option again yesterday.  I realize it’s not for everyone, but I have found the momentum to keep up a commitment.  The good doc suggested Juice Plus supplements, which I have heard of before in the many conversations I had with Dr. Elkin about nutriceutical supplementation.  I do like my supplements because I have seen the good they can do over time with Omega 3's and focus and concentration in ADHD.  

J. and I went to dinner last night at Chili’s.  I got the Cedar Plank Tilapia with Broccoli and pushed the wad of mushy rice stuff to the side.  I ate about ¾ of the fish and three pieces of broccoli.   I continue to be disturbed by wait staff that look at me funny when I order a glass of ice.  It came in handy toward the end when it began to feel like I ate too much.  I left the fish in my car though, and peu-whee! Good thing I bought Air Freshener at the dollar store yesterday.  Oh, and .80 cent pants in sizes 18-20 and 14-16.  You can't beat two pairs of pants for under $2!  They are both workout type pants, so let's hope the seams don't split on me or anything! 

I can no longer gobble my food as I used to but I am not complaining.  It has made me realize how much I’ve overdone it all these years.  I imagine that I have ingested billions of unnecessary calories in order for my body to run properly.  So, I am now creating the necessary calorie deficit to remove the excess weight with a little help from my band.

 As I lose weight, it is difficult to see lots of change but I am starting to notice.  I did have to buy a pair of size 18 jeans last Friday at JCPenney for $20.  They were slightly snug the day I got them, and now they are just right.  The slight difference in the mirror from the side view is pleasing me now.  The trouble with rapid body shape change is not to fret too much as the changes occur. 

 Pre-surgery, I worried a lot about the loose skin that would accumulate all over, but I have combated that by trying to wear long sports bras, use Cetaphil with baking soda as an exfoliate daily, and use cocoa butter to keep my skin smooth and protected. I try not to ask anyone anyone for an opinion on how I look and I prefer people to not ask questions of me about my progress in person.  I refer them to the blog and encourage questions here.   It keeps the subject space confined to a forum where I have complete control.  I have discussed it with people who have the unfortunate pleasure of taking in a meal with me, and I try not to disturb them to much with the unpleasantries that may or may not occur. 

I did rant about the guy from the food show who made the comment to me about eating a meet ball in the fatshionista community, and I probably should have just kept it in the WLS and LapBand support group on LJ.  The problem with a public forum where you’re approached by a “control troll” who is a complete stranger is disturbing.  The problem with the internet is people get offended by things easily.  I meant no offense to those who may have taken it as a diet post in the slightest when it was truly a rant about public fat-acceptance.  

 It takes complete and total dedication to a list of very awkward lifestyle and fitness changes that are a difficult commitment for some people to accept.  Our relationship with food has so much to do with our emotions and not true hunger.  How many times have taken comfort in cheesecake and cookies because I felt lonely, sad or depressed?  I grew up and have lived in the national’s most amazing city for food. 

 I refuse to fail.  I will not let old habits sneak back into my diet for one year.  I don’t like to use the word diet, either.  This is a way of life.  It’s serious business and I am taking myself very seriously right now.  My goal is to set up my new cognitive behaviors to where the pleasure of eating only what is good for me comforts my ego.   All that I do, exercise, be it pilates or road races, or hitting the Stairmaster like a mad-woman for 45 minutes, will get me to my goal more quickly and at a health pace.

 I want to start interviewing women who have had LapBand and weight loss surgeries to understand their journeys as well.  We all have our story, and it’s important to share yours and have support from someone who has been through it.  This surgery is not for everyone.  My best friend Daniel did it without it, but it too him much more dedication- Biggest Loser dedication and a year of living at the gym.  He had some pretty rotten days where I remember chatting with him through his misery.  He’s the kind of inspiration everyone needs!

I’ve been making small daily goals.  Those daily goals are:

  1. Protein first.
  2. No dairy products.
  3. Only cold pressed iced coffee or low acid instant coffee with protein.
  4. Water, water, and more water.
  5. Chose pure protein sources and vegetables for meal times.
  6. Get in one hour of cardio per day.
  7. Do Pilates every day for at least 20 minutes.
  8. Use 5 lb hand weights to work my upper body and core for at least 20 minutes a day.  
  9. Write about what I’m doing as much as possible.
  10. Be a source of positive energy.
Okay, now off to do some work on my projects.  I have multiple projects going right now to keep me busy.... and none that are paying the bills.  Hopefully, that'll turn around soon enough! 

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